Avoiding relapse

relapse is a reality of recovery from drug dependance, as much work and effort the addict puts into getting off their drug of choice all it takes is a moment of weakness at the wrong time for relapse to occur. one main thing to keep in mind is a relapse does not in any way mean the recovering addict is starting all over from scratch, that kind of thinking of defeat can give an addict a convenient excuse to give up and start using again.

my personal experience is with opiates, mainly oxycodone and some heroin use as well. while i was using and quitting cold turkey here and there i was able to deal with the acute opiate withdrawal well once i set my mind to doing the full detox. my problem was i had no support systems in place for me to go to when i started to feel emotions such as loneliness and shame. sometimes after i got over the withdrawal i would last a week off opiates, sometimes as much as three weeks, however i would always go back to the drug.

many things contributed to this, i was not in a program to help addicts, i was stuck in a circle of friends who were involved in the drug and for example when i was lonesome all i had to do was make a phone call to buy the drug and from that i would get human interaction with the dealer/friend and high from the drug itself.

after i'd had enough i came up with three realistic scenarios my addiction would lead too, homelessness, suicide, or serious treatment. i decided to go on methadone maintenance therapy. i knew what i needed was time to get away from users and create healthy friendships. i needed to be in counseling to learn to deal with feelings and urges, as well as blow off steam when life was stressful.

i slowly severed all ties to heroin, people i'd known since grade school, people i still cared for and wanted to help. i had slowly come to the conclusion that if i didn't do this right i'd have to leave my family, i cant put them through anymore and if that means going somewhere and being homeless so be it. so i put my feelings for my friends aside and completely cut ties, ignored calls, deleted facebook friends, a close friend went to prison for 4 years and i never visited him in jail and didn't go to his sentencing because i knew the kind of crowd who would be there.

over the year and a half or so i was on methadone i slowly cut all ties with users, and made new ones with healthy friends. the key for this was staying on methadone long enough to give myself the time to do those things. i rebuilt a life with human connections, made good friends, and did everything i could to avoid all contact with users.

its inevitable i would run into users, dealers and as i put more time between me and the using lifestyle, the easier it got when i received a random message on facebook about heroin to ignore it. after being on methadone a year and a half i completed a slow taper and was off. i felt great aside from some withdrawal, i hadn't done any opiate aside methadone almost a year and a half, had supportive friends, and a solid plan with therapy to help deal with life.

3 or 4 months after i got off methadone i ended up relapsing, i let my guard down because i wanted to talk to an old friend. it was new years eve, i was bar hopping and when the wrong crowd came in instead of leaving immediately i shot the breeze with a few friends and a few games of pool later i was going to a house to do heroin.

that was all it took, letting my guard down for one minute and i ended up using, turns out all the precautions and almost paranoia about avoiding those people are the things i need to do, stay vigilante. the following week i used maybe three more times before i snapped out of it and stopped, i haven't used since.

i felt defeated, ashamed, ready to throw in the towel and then i realized it was not the end of the world, it didn't erase all my work and clean time. it was a stupid mistake, at the time i just wanted to see an old friend but i now know i cant do that.

this time i am looking out for me, if that means being rude or an asshole in order to protect myself from heroin addiction than thats what needs to be done. im putting myself first, and if i have to tell someone if they offer me dope again ill say yes, show up, and throw their junkie ass a beating then i will. they aren't looking out for me, they are trying to bring me down, and if they keep bugging me it will be made very clear to them they never should talk to me again.

so summarize my experience with relapse and relapse prevention:

• giving yourself as much time as possible to sever ties with triggers is essential
• find healthy friends to spend time with
• create a support system to help deal with stress and feelings
• you can never be to vigilant, you are whats important
• old using friends do not care about you, do not care about them. learn to deal with the feelings from giving them the cold shoulder
• never dwell on the past, move on, feeling guilty wont fix anything
• when it comes to keeping off your drug of choice be cold hearted toward threats, this drug could kill you and if an old friend had a gun in your face you wouldn't worry about their feelings, how is offering you the drug different?
• come up with concrete plans for dangerous situations and stick to them
• don't be afraid to make an enemy with someone who could get you to use again, if they view you with hatred its one less person who could enable you to use
• if you do relapse ITS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD, you dont need to keep using. using wont fix the guilt you feel, rather take the events and learn from them to prevent future dangerous situations
• plan for as many cenarios that would put at risk to use, leave nothing to chance
• you can never be too careful, being vigilant will prevent a relapse
• dont underestimate your stregnth, you can do this no matter how hard it seems