Cravings Endless Chase for High

That's really how coke goes for most people. That first line/hit/shot is amazing then each one after is just trying to recapture that initial high. Each subsequent dose has less euphoria and more bad side-effects. But you still can't stop.

 

Interesting. MDPV, which is also a DNRI, is the same way. My rhinograde has never tried cocaine¹, but he has had exactly that experience with MDPV. First time he chased it off foil, the euphoria was amazing. Next time, it was pretty darned good. Next time, just okay. By the end of five days, it was entirely gone, and never came back during intermittent use over the next few months. Giving up the drug for a month didn't make the initial brilliant euphoria come back. The rhinograde did develop all sorts of troublesome side-effects and complications from the drug, though. A couple of other reports of MDPV use on DF say the same thing.

The rhinograde still has urges to use MDPV. Maybe, just maybe, the euphoria will be there again? His memory of the good times is stronger than his memory of the bad. He'll probably try it again someday. Stupid rhinograde.

1. Okay, once, more than two decades ago, but it was heavily cut, and he couldn't detect whether it did anything.

 

This is all par for the course. I wish I could understand the desperate need to get somewhere else, somewhere "high" that seems to affect so many of us, and seems to be very much tied in with the development of addiction. My cat found with crack that his mind became completely warped, and he'd just have to keep smoking the rocks even though they didn't provide any pleasant experience after a while.

I think the reason after quitting I've not experienced much in the way of cravings is in part due to meditation. I am really intrigued, from a recovery and addiction perspective, in any thing that may mean people reverse this compulsive attempt to recapture an initial experience. I think it could loosely be described as neurotic, since it seems to be in some part a disturbance of the nerves. The idea of taking cocaine of any kind is repugnant to me these days, and I'm really glad of this. The drug is completely destabilising, and just nasty to my way of thinking.

Even the lucid clarity has such a manic tinge to it and there is nothing by way of growth attached to its use. You'll never get your initial high back, except possibly after a long period of abstinence.

I think it's important to accept what life is here and now, and not live for some brief ultimate experience that probably won't even happen! As an aside, I think this delusion is experienced by many people seeking "enlightenment" almost as much as by those seeking an ultimate cocaine buzz.

It seems likely that a lot of this can be explained by understanding better the relationship of cocaine to dopamine and the relationship of dopamine to pleasure and cravings. It's a fascinating subject. I for one think there is something quite qualitatively different between say a cocaine/crack/(meth)amphetamine addiction and an opiate one.

All best wishes

Dickon

 

Our brains reward novelty. Is what makes us so darn curious. The first time a swimmer does a drug, he gets all the euphoria of the drug plus a bonus for the novelty of the experience. The more experience one has, the less novelty, not to mention tolerance.

Swimmers will always look to recapture that peak experience of their first time with a novel new pleasurable substance.


ECL

 

With swim, he never gets it the first try, and then it's never enough. He'll push doses that should be killing him, but for some reason, there's not an equal level of high. And this goes for all drugs, from coke, to heroin, to acid. It's just never enough. Even when I go through a mild overdose, he'll still think, yea, I probably coulda handled more.

 

I am in the same boat as OP. I have done just about evert drug out there over her 23 yrs drug career. She is still looking for the best HIGH. So far the closest she's come is with Heroin or really good Crystal. But even when she's got pure stuff it's like after the 1st dose she's on a constant Cat & Mouse game trying to get more high. SWIM assumes its just her mind telling her she needs more. IMO

 

I found that the most chasing his goat ever did was between his 6th and 25th hit of LSD. He would take 3-4 week breaks after starting his experimentation with LSD. His first few times were fun, then one night SWIM's goat had a trip that made him feel one with everything, he spent the next year looking for that feeling again, never to recapture it. SWIM's goat gave up on LSD due to this fact, having a busier adult life also contributed.

SWIM's goat had a unique experience with cocaine, he was introduced to the drug by a man who was very high up in the distribution chain, the first 8 months the goat was doing cocaine were amazing. His first line of coke from this man was just as good as his last. SWIM's goat never realized how good he had it, he believed all coke was like this, he soon found out he was very wrong. SWIM's goat did not see the man at the usual spot one day, and thru a friend found out the man was killed. SWIM's goat naturally found coke through another source and was amazed at how bad the quality of the product was. When SWIM's goat used coke from his old source, he would only need a thin little needle line, he would be good for 30-45 min, no major urge to re-dose. when SWIM's goat tried coke from a new source, he would need 3-4 times the amount and would only feel it for 20-30 min. The urge to re-dose was greater. The drip and nasal inflammation was way worse too. SWIM's goat spent another 6 months or so searching for something even in the same ballpark as the old stuff and was never successful. SWIM's goat gave up on coke a few years ago.