Romulan, medicinal marijuana that'll make you feel like you snorted heroin

By BY BRANDON SODERBERG
APR 18, 2017 AT 9:33 PM

A powerful, well-known strain of medicinal marijuana—which is, yes, named after a race of aliens from Star Trek—has more of a painkiller high than a weed high. And along with helping with physical pain, it's useful for relieving anxiety and increasing appetite and just generally pulling one out of one's own body and mind. To be a bit gauche: If you've ever snorted heroin, it's sort of that pleasant feeling minus the whole rather loaded thing that you know, you're snorting heroin, which I would not recommend for most people the way I might recommend smoking up. I bring up heroin advisedly here by the way: H is also medicine, at least when it's put in an also-very-addictive pill form by world-fucking pharmaceutical companies.

Romulan's high is weighty, like there's a little bit of pressure holding you down, as if you're on an airplane or high up in the mountains. And it does other strange things, like it makes you hear really well—so you can hear everything so you can't hear anything, you know? Sometimes words and language stop making sense and facial expressions seem devoid of context. Also, I keep almost getting hit by cars when I walk around on it because I just keep inverting traffic light logic? Yes, Romulan can do you like that. But if you're a veteran smoker, you can power through the heavy high and use it to be more productive or just feel not as terrible and existentially alone.

For me, it has dulled the minor-key dread of depression a little bit and helped me get out and go do things. The best way I can describe depression is like this: Imagine you're walking around and it's totally dark but you've got one of those helmets with a light on the front on and that light only illuminates the most immediate few feet in front of you, and as a result, you're just always worried about what's right in front of you, just trying to take the next few steps and avoid total darkness. Anything beyond the immediate is inconceivable. So Romulan gives you a bit more light and it makes you worry less about all that surrounding darkness. It gives you a high you can take advantage of and this is just someone with workaday, sad bro problems speaking so just imagine what someone with chronic pain or someone who is dying of fucking cancer might get out of it. More people in pain—any kind of pain—should have access to Romulan. (BS)

Strength: 9

Nose: pine, so much pine

Euphoria: 9

Existential Dread: 2

Freaking Out When Crazy Person Approaches You: 2

Drink Pairing: PBR

Music Pairing: Hans Joachim-Roedelius, "Selbstportrait I"

Rating: 8